This is me, my life, my rants..
Saturday, July 10, 2010
xoxo 10:40
Friday, July 9, 2010
(pix credits to Ifa Harmifa)
I'm hoping that I could be a better muslimah.
So I'm taking inspiration from the lady above.
She's 1 gorgeous woman.
I'll start off when I start this new work.
Insyaallah.
Semoga Tuhan terangkan hatiku, dan tunjuk ku ke jalan yang benar.
Amin.
xoxo 21:05
2010 is definitely not my year.
Maybe starting of the month it was very smooth.
But now mid-month, everything is crumbling into pieces.
I don't know why.
And recently it's just getting worst.
Haiz..
I no longer am interested in my current job (Tampines 1)
Everything here is getting from bad to worst.
The management, the work load.
Every single thing!
We are told to do irrelevant things.
Sometimes I think they are taking advantage of us.
Seriously.
And I do wonder if other malls are doing what we did also?
And the shoppers here?
Are plain rude!
They expect things to be their way.
Expect everyone to listen to them.
Demands respect!
Sorry, but respect is earned, not demanded.
And I never believed in 'Customers are always right'.
I simply don't.
You wouldn't have guessed what we've been through here.
We've get fucked up and down from shoppers.
Got hurled abusive vulgarities words at us.
We've been threaten.
And sometimes over the smallest little things.
And I failed each and every of my Mystery Shopper Test.
Sorry, but I just don't have the patience anymore.
There's a limit to one's patience.
And people here have step over the limit.
And of course, management doesn't go easy with me either.
Well, it's easy for them to say this and that.
But try being in our position.
You'll cry!
And I think I've gone stronger over the years.
Cause last time I'll cry when customers scold me.
But now no.
I didn't shed a tears.
Didn't even battle an eyelid!
And so, I've had enough, and decided to leave.
But the co. doesn't wants me to leave.
But I insist.
I just couldn't take it anymore.
I've got a new offer too, and was required to start in 2 weeks.
Which is tough as tender resignation always takes a month.
But I just submit for two weeks.
Was not approved.
And torn in between.
I wanted to leave on a good note, but they seem to take advantage of me.
Throwing last min works to do.
And I'm getting restless by day.
Haiz..
What am I suppose to do now?
I've also enrolled myself for a class.
WSQ Diploma in Tourism at TMIS.
It's a 367hours duration.
Starting in mid July.
But the problem is, they only accepts 1 time payment.
No installment.
I've paid $107 for the registration fees.
And I've to come up with $749 for the rest of the fees by next week.
*gulps*
No, I don't own a single credit card.
Cause I don't trust myself to own one.
And I'm not from a well-to-do family.
Everything that I own was my hard-earned money.
Yes, I struggled when it comes to money.
There's a lot more.
But how do I say it?
Maybe some things are better left unspoken.
='(
xoxo 19:12
Monday, July 5, 2010
Today shall be a very emotional blog entry.
At least for me.
I'm very bad at expressing myself,
So I might jump here and there. =)
I was looking back on my life.
What I have been doing for the last 24 years.
Well except during my crawling days.
Over the years have been a struggle for me.
Be it school, family, love, friends.
I failed in every single thing.
It even comes to a point where I tried to end my life.
Yes, I was very naive back then.
I couldn't take a single stress.
But looking back, the problems doesn't come to me on its own.
I seek for them.
But now, it seems the other way round.
Problem seem to seek me.
And I've been running away which doesn't help at all.
I shan't explain the details further.
Cause I believe my past is not something I'm proud of.
I've had a very rough patch.
Very, very rough.
It was a bumpy road for me.
And I regret what I did.
I wish I could turn back time.
But somehow, it make me grew into a wiser woman.
Wise enough to think that mistakes shouldn't happen again.
It definitely could be avoided.
But the past still haunts me.
It still, and forever will.
I'm not the type of girl which people would have thought I'd do such things.
But circumstances made me.
Very lame excuse, but it is true.
At least to me.
There are times when I thought of ending my life yet again.
But I wonder, is it really worth it?
And there are times when I'm on the verge of breaking down.
But I hold on to every last strength that I have.
And I kept everything to myself.
I do not have a best friend which I could share every single little details with.
I don't.
Cause my parents practically shun them away from me.
Yes, I have very protective parents.
I don't go out as much as others do.
In fact I don't go out at all.
Only once in a blue moon.
And I have a hard time explaining to people,
Cause they'll thing I'm just finding excuses.
Only if they knew the truth.
I'm putting a very brave act in front of everybody.
But every night, tears are there to accompany me.
I just have to smile.
Cause it's easier than to explain why I'm sad.
xoxo 21:02
Monday, June 14, 2010
Have been eating a lot lately.
Way A LOT!
Previously I ate once a day and can last up till 3 days.
Now 1 day, I can eat at least 5 times!
5 full meals!!
And that doesn't count the snacks!
o_O
And just last week I was down with fever.
So visited the Doctor.
Decided to consult the Dr 'bout my unusual eating habits.
Even she said its not normal.
*Gulps*
Asked whether I'm stressed or whatsoever.
But I said no, no that I know of.
She said I could be facing a depression without me realizing.
Hmmm...
Could it be true?
She too said to monitor my appetite for the next few weeks.
If it still persist, she would have to refer me to psychiatrist.
Oh dear..
Am so I'm resisting food.
Trying not to give in to my hunger.
Eat only when necessarily.
It's not easy though cause i'm constantly hungry.
So how?
Shall just wait and see how it goes.
xoxo 13:32
